stepparenting

When I got married, I went into our marriage without many expectations. During our pre-marital counseling, my husband and I spoke about a variety of topics and made sure that we understood each other’s expectations of one another. We dealt with topics such as finances, parenting, working, roles in the house, roles outside the house, time apart, time together, hobbies, discipline, etc. We pretty much covered every topic we could imagine. Except one …

I had no idea how emotional this huge change in my life would make me. I prepared myself in every way I could possibly think of, but nothing could prepare me for the emotion I experienced when the honeymoon was over and real life kicked in full swing. Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I was getting myself into. Everthing I was doing and experiencing in this new family was fully understood prior to getting into it, but I had no idea about how tired and weary this new change would make me feel.

There was a huge responsibility put on my shoulders when we said, “I do!” Not only did I become a new wife, with a husband to love and care for, but I also became a new mother, with a child who depends on you for so much! I was instantly thrown into getting lunches made, bus driver, laundry-mat, house cleaner, chef, wife and mother. Even though I knew I was going to be all these things when we got married, the actual carrying out of these tasks was overwhelming. But, I knew I wasn’t alone.

I found a lot of great advice in one of Ron Deal’s books called “The Smart Step-Family.” In this book, which I highly recommend you purchase, you will find a wealth of information on what to do and what not to do to make the transition to this new family as easy as you can for the whole family.

My key lesson: Don’t take things personally!

There were so many things I felt I was doing wrong, and actually still feel like I do wrong, but when I remember not to take anything personally, the load I felt was lifted and I had more freedom to be who I was and not worry so much about what my husband and step-daughter felt about me. My main responsibility is to love them and respect them to the best of my ability and the response is up to them. I am only responsible for my own feelings and actions. That is a refreshing point of view.

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